Ok I had a very strange conversation with a friend the other day. This friend and I talk about once a month and we are close we have know each other for a long time. However the conversation I had the other day blew me away. I actually had to stop and ponder both the friend’s situation as well as take a look at myself to see if I am just totally naive.
So during the course of the conversation the subject of affairs came up I think were talking about he latest celebrity scandal and I said I just don’t see why or even how you could have an affair (I was referencing people in everyday life not celebs) my comment was answered with “well I’ve had one” I was dumbfounded! I responded with “what did you say?” This is a person who I would have least expected to cheat. Of course the girl in me took over as I peppered the friend with questions, when, who, where, how long, is it still going on were the first questions out of my mouth.
The friend went on to try to explain why, lack of intimacy, family events (death, sickness etc.) and children. I was in such shock! While I have know that this friend has had their share of life events it never struck me to think it was effecting the entire relationship to the point that there had been no intimate contact in over a year!! I have never really known anyone who has, while married, cheated. I understand the idea that things get boring, or old hat and that people get into a rut but there is no way I could see me seeking other means with regard to a physical needs.
My friends went on to tell me the details of the affair which lasted all of a weekend since it was on a business trip. The spouse knows nothing of it and the friends has no plans to come clean and says no plans to stray again either. However my guess if you did it once and got away with it what would stop you from doing it again?
So when I mentioned this conversation to others I was shocked to find there are several in my large circle who have indeed had an affair, of course there were varying degrees of affairs. Some thought talking to someone via email was considered an affair while others were the Full Monty so to speak.
It made me realize that I am truly lucky that I have a loving husband and that we communicate! It appears to me the common theme in straying seems to be a lack of communication.
So during the course of the conversation the subject of affairs came up I think were talking about he latest celebrity scandal and I said I just don’t see why or even how you could have an affair (I was referencing people in everyday life not celebs) my comment was answered with “well I’ve had one” I was dumbfounded! I responded with “what did you say?” This is a person who I would have least expected to cheat. Of course the girl in me took over as I peppered the friend with questions, when, who, where, how long, is it still going on were the first questions out of my mouth.
The friend went on to try to explain why, lack of intimacy, family events (death, sickness etc.) and children. I was in such shock! While I have know that this friend has had their share of life events it never struck me to think it was effecting the entire relationship to the point that there had been no intimate contact in over a year!! I have never really known anyone who has, while married, cheated. I understand the idea that things get boring, or old hat and that people get into a rut but there is no way I could see me seeking other means with regard to a physical needs.
My friends went on to tell me the details of the affair which lasted all of a weekend since it was on a business trip. The spouse knows nothing of it and the friends has no plans to come clean and says no plans to stray again either. However my guess if you did it once and got away with it what would stop you from doing it again?
So when I mentioned this conversation to others I was shocked to find there are several in my large circle who have indeed had an affair, of course there were varying degrees of affairs. Some thought talking to someone via email was considered an affair while others were the Full Monty so to speak.
It made me realize that I am truly lucky that I have a loving husband and that we communicate! It appears to me the common theme in straying seems to be a lack of communication.
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