Thursday, March 12, 2009

I feel like I am walking through molasses......



The idea of walking through molasses would indicate that things are moving slow and in some respects they are in others they are not. I have a whole host things going on in my brain right now to the point I feel like a bit of a crazy person one minute I am up one minute I am down.

Work has been super crazy I am a little over 4 months from the launch of my new division and things are not lining up as I had hoped so I am having to really push people which of course does to make me the fav among colleague, add to that I felt the incredible need to yesterday grill my boss as to when my promotion is coming. I of course totally second guessed myself on the way home as to why I even had the conversation for fear it makes me look like I am whining which I HATE.

Being pregnant has it's ups and downs as we all know. One day I feel great the next I don't, add to that my concern that everything is Ok with this pregnancy it is a roller coaster I would soon like to get off. I don't remember being this paranoid if you will about the health and development of my other 2 pregnancies. I just want the baby to be here so I can stop worrying all the time.

Home life, well it is again like molasses just going through the motions. Dan is not at all happy at his new job and while part of me thought it was just the military to corporate America. It seems to me more then that and I can sense he is just simply not happy however he feels a huge amount of pressure to stick it out for the obvious reasons the economy, not wanted to be a quitter the list goes on and on? Jackson our youngest is putting us, mainly me through my paces seems that everything in his eyes is an negotiation from what book we read before bed to what is being served for dinner. I know this is a phase but Celia our nanny is not helping the situation because she gives in to him ALL THE TIME!

I guess as I look back on what I have written so far it appears as though all in all I am just in a bumming place right now. I am not sure what to do, I know part of it is just life and we all need to deal, part of it though seems overburdening like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I am well aware that some of this may be the directly result that I have stopped taking my medicine for my mild depression. I stopped because I did not want to harm he baby, I am not risk taker when it comes to medicines and fetal development someone could tell me all day long it would be fine and I still wouldn't want to take meds. I don't even like taking cold meds pregnant. However if something doesn't give soon I feel I will need to go back to my Dr and have a conversation.

Thanks for listening.

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