So today is the last day of my maternity leave! It is 4 am and I just got done feeding Isabelle and I am feeling a huge sense of I don't know what! My emotions range from sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety and being just completely overwhelmed.
The idea of being back to work and trying to juggle 3 kids, their schedules, the household duties, homework and a bounty of other issues has been freaking me out. While home I often had moments of "how the heck did I do this before with only 2?". Now there are 3 and the newest one demands most of my time.
I continue to be on medication for depression and I have seen the therapist a few more times. I am trying to work through several issues first and foremost my need to be a perfectionist at all I do. I am slowly starting to see that being the best mom, best wife, best worker, best runner, best daughter, best friend, etc is not attainable and it is a crushing blow to me and my self esteem (some would say ego).
So forgive me if I am not here much the next couple of weeks as I navigate my way. I will pre-post (as I did this post) a blog about Halloween and hope that the weekend affords me some time to post an update on how I am handling everything till then..........
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