Ok it is official! I am certifiably in a funk! How I got there I am not sure and how I get out of it seems to be even more of a mystery. So if you will please be my therapist for a few minutes and listen to me ramble.
I have no desire to do anything, all I want is for it to be my time for vacation, yet the prospect of hanging on till my vacation (Aug 9th) seems like torture. I have so many random thoughts going on in my brain. Here are some of the things that are weighing heavy on my mind.
My boss has been out of the office nearly 3 weeks sick , I truly admire this guy and I had the unfortunate task of telling someone in Sr. management that he was out. I think he wanted to keep things quite thinking he would be back soon but I was asked a direct question and couldn’t very well lie. I have not shared with anyone what the issues are with him but still I feel I have somehow broken his trust. Before it was know tht he was out he was in touch with me, since I have heard next to nothing. I send him updates since I know he is reading email and I get little to no response from him, others don’t really get a lot either but still it makes me wonder is he upset with me? Oh and yes I am picking up some of the slack.
Add to his being out that I was lead to believe that I was to get a raise which we thought would be effective July 1st which I have not heard a word about. I have been paid since July 1st and there was not a penny more in my check. To complicate matters more I was approached by someone who has the ear of sr. management about being the grand poobah of my area and another. Let me rephrase I was told that I was going to be suggested to be the grand poobah. This news sent me into a tail spin because most of the folks…hell all of them are my Sr.(age wise) and most certainly would not be pleased with my appointment to said position. Also I am not sure that I am 100% qualified to take on that role, yet I don’t know that I should turn it down if offered. Which then gets me thinking if the suggestion is put forth and accepted why the hell have I not gotten my small raise that has been pending for over 2 months? Something doesn’t add up.
Moving on to family, I feel as though I ache for a 3rd child, in theory it seems easy enough. Then I start to really ponder, the late nights, the terrible 2’s, the days off from work, the financial worries, the fact that I am 7 years older now then when I had my first, I thought of rocking the boat so to speak. I keep saying to myself in time, or when Dan retires, or when I get a big raise. All of which may never come then I will be left with this regret that I didn’t go for it, yet I don’t want to regret havinga 3rd because of the things I just described.
Finally, ground hog day, everyday is like ground hog day and if it isn’t ground hog day it is something that keeps me and the rest of the family from relaxing weddings, family get togethers, business meetings, etc. My weekend last weekend was glorious; I loved not having to be anywhere and not having to do anything. I think for me it was a wake up call that I need a break, I need a vacation. Yet I question myself if that is really the answer.
My husband knows there is something up because he keeps asking me if I am ok, I say yes I just have a lot on my mind. I have shared with him all that is on my mind but I can’t say that any solutions have been put forth. I am sure this is just a busy time, or rough patch, or whatever you want to call it and it too will soon pass, but it feels yucky. I feel like my head is swirling and I don’t know when to turn!
I have rambled her with little regard for content or grammar or spelling for that matter, I just needed to release.
BTW if you have tagged me in the last few weeks and I have not responded it is because I have forgotten please email the tag link and I will participate!
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