Why???

Ever wonder to yourself why??? Why am I getting up this early, why do I have to work? why am I not as happy as I feel I should be why why why??? Well that is my feeling today. I feel as though I have placed myself in a box that I have no way to get out of. I love working and being able to give my family nice things but honestly it is starting to bring me down I am constantly running from thing to thing. If it isn't a crying child, it's dinner, if it isn't dinner, it's a load of laundry, if not that then one of a million other things. I am readying a book called Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and in it she talks about her time in Italy and how the Italians have no guilt about enjoying life yet we here in America do. As I was listening to the book (because who has the time to read) I thought... guilt for enjoying life, hell I am not even enjoying life how can I have guilt. Boy that says something doesn't it!

I also feel incredible pain right now in my marriage, I love my husband he has helped me to become what I am today but unfortunately in this life of go go go that we have created, he ends up last on the the to do list. Now one might say well that is an easy fix just move him to the top, while I might agree under normal circumstances I feel as though we have become strangers and it is hard to make that kind of change when you aren't sure what the reaction will be or when you know what the reaction will be. Worse yet when you feel that you are both growing apart and don't have the flame there that you once had. The fire that could get you through anything. How do you recapture that? Can you recapture that?

I am looking back at what I have written and I am starting to think I am a prime candidate for some sort of depression drug, scary but maybe that is what I need to put a clearer vision on my life. The idea makes me sad and makes me feel as though I am a failure should I be able to handle life without the need to medicate? Do I just need to make a lifestyle change? But what if that change ends up taking me further down the dark road that I seem to be on? What then? As I have been told there are no do overs in this life and I don't want to misstep, for fear of losing everything.

Have to start somewhere......

So I have been wanting to try my hand at writing for some time now. I am told that when Ia m passionate about something I tend to be a very
good writer, guess the rest of the time I guess I barely get by but no one is bold enough to tell you that!

I am a working mom of 2 Lauren who is 5 and Jackson who is 3, I have been married for 8 1/2 years! Some days it is all I have to throw my legs over the side of the bed and start ground hog day again and again and again! I know you know how I feel! I have gotten to the point where holidays like Veterans and Presidents day are like gold to me not because I am a veteran although I respect the hell out of them especially since i am married to an Army Officer, no I look forward to holiday's like veterans day because it is a 3 day weekend! Don't get me wrong that does not mean no work 3 days weekend just another day to get up later if you call 6:30 later (guess it is compared to my normal wake up of 5:20) enjoy my cup of Joe and linger in my Pj's just a few minutes long then I do the rest of the week!

So here is my hope for the blog! I hope to provide some humor to those parents out there that are in the same ground hog day like spot that I am in. Writing is therapy for me and while you may not like the idea of therapy it is a needed evil for me if i plan to make it to 40 without having a nervous breakdown.

here are some topic I plan to cover int eh coming blogs unless life dictates otherwise!
Au pair (other wise knows as nannies)
Alzheimer's not just for the old anymore
Potty training
Mommy and Daddy time (does this really exist???)
and a host of other issues that I find humours or cathartic!

Send me a comment I want to hear from you!

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